Delegation is the method of getting things done by other people. We all delegate on a daily basis, in our homes, offices, place of worship, on the road e.t.c. You wonder how you delegate on the road, if you board a commercial bus with no conductor and you sit at the rear side of the bus, you simply get your money across to the driver by handing it over to someone else to give to him – this is delegation.
Every man has limits when it comes to certain resources hence the need to delegate. This is a very powerful tool in the hand of a leader, like a notable leader state ‘I will rather set ten men to work than do the work of ten men’. It’s benefits outweighs it’s cons, for example succession plan becomes easier through delegation as followers are trained to become leaders through the process, also a leader can concentrate on very important issues by delegating, also those you delegate to have a sense of belonging and know that you trust them.
In as much as delegating is a good strategy, there are certain things to be considered when doing it, else relationships will likely go sour. As the one delegating, you should know who, what and when to delegate, in the office for instance, a boss should know the ability and experience of his subordinates before giving out a task. You should also consider training when delegating, has this person been trained for the assignment you are delegating?
Communication is a key issue in delegation; this is why every leader must constantly hone his/her communication skills. You should be clear in communicating what your expectations are as per the task given, do not be vague, be descriptive, also do not assume the person you are delegating to should know what you expect. It is expedient to assess the risk involved in delegating and communicate such to help the delegate understand how crucial his success or failure is. Express when you want the job completed, where and how you want the task submitted, motivate and evaluate the delegate. Letting the person know the level of confidence you repose in her is a source of motivation.
You need patience while delegating, because we are all of different personalities, our rates of achievements vary, be patient enough to know that a new employee may take longer time to do a thing than one who has been at it for years. This is why we said earlier that assessing the risk is of importance, start from small task to bigger ones, give room for training and retraining. Remember that you make mistake too at times, so do not be too hard on yourself or the delegate.
Trust is also a major challenge in delegation, so many leaders find it hard to delegate because of lack of trust, I encourage subordinates to earn their leaders’ trust, and then ask them how they could be of help in what they are doing. This way, your boss will sense a level of commitment in you and delegate tasks to you. When you are not clear about the task, be courageous enough to ask the person delegating to you to explain further, it is better you do this than waste resources by doing the wrong thing.
Delegating to children also has to do with the things we have discussed, in addition, we should not underestimate their abilities, and we should not overburden them. The fact that you visit your friend whose 4 year old son washes the dishes does not mean you should come home and bounce on your own 4 year old daughter to start washing dishes and expect the same level of competence. Start by having her rinse them after you wash, then she can wash under your supervision, after you can leave them to her totally ( I am sure some will get broken, remember not just to scold but also praise).
There are some things you should avoid delegating, fro example the training (especially disciplining) of your children, I hear parents say things like ‘didn’t they teach you in school not to lie, and I wonder where values should first be taught if not the home. Try as much as possible to inculcate enduring values in your children rather than expecting their teachers to do this.
Always keep in mind to thank the delegate, yes I know you pay them as the CEO, but take to heart that they are human and thrive on praise, even you do.
Remember, you begin to live when you begin to relate truly.
relateandlive@yahoo.com, dupeoteri.blogspot.com
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
Living Under Another Person’s Roof.
Last week we discussed things we need to do before offering accommodation to someone, I am sure we all learnt one or two things. Thank you so much for the experiences shared. We will be looking at the other side of the coin this week, what you need do if you are the one being assisted with accommodation.
Like we reiterated, we all need to be helped in one way or the other, the Creator of the Universe made it in such a way that we all need one another, in other words no man is an island, or do I say no man can be an island. We should be full of gratitude when offered accommodation, do not see it as a right or a duty (they owe you) even if the person is your relative, see it as a privilege and be grateful.
Once you move in, observe the way things are done in the place, watch the person’s values, ask questions politely if you are not clear about some things and do not assume anything. Do not take what is not given to you, if you need anything, seek their permission. Avoid being wasteful, if you are used to finishing a tin of milk once, watch how they use theirs and follow suite, in other words spare them the need of spending extra, rather look for ways you can help them save money. For example you can decide to put off the security light and others once it is 6.30am, this will help reduce the electricity bill of the house.
Please do not equate yourself with their children and become a rival to them, someone reported that her brother buys provision for his daughter anytime she is going to school, but he does not buy for her when she is resuming, this person failed to realize that it is not the brother’s duty to pay her school fees in the first place, (it is the parent’s duty) but because the parents could not afford it, he decided to help, I feel she should be grateful to him for taking up this responsibility, there are people out there with wealthy relatives who still find it difficult to paying school fees. You should correct the children with love, taking into consideration that you were once a child. Beating them is a delicate matter, so thread softly.
Help with house chores; do not wait for instructions before you do the needful. Regardless of your gender, (male or female), once you decide to put up under someone’s roof the first thing to do is swallow your pride, and do away with some preconceived notions (e.g. house chores is the duty of the female). If you are the first born in your own family, and you are exempted from chores, pocket that privilege and do the chores here. I know some will say they will take me as a slave or take me for granted, but I implore you to see this as a phase, and do whatever will bring peace to the home. Live with them in such a way that they will be sorry to see you leave.
Next time we will continue this discussion, meanwhile, if you are guilty of any of the above, apologize and turn a new leaf by putting into practice what you have learnt.
Dupe Oteri
relateandlive@yahoo.com,
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Coping With Difficult Parents.
Thank you for all the feedbacks, they are really helpful and encouraging. S.D (your initials) please, please send me that blank mail, I am sorry for the late response please.
Our new discussion is on relating with difficult parents, please come along.
Living with a difficult parent could be harrowing and unpleasant as a young child, thoughts like running away from home, wishing the parent could travel and never come back, and incapacitation of the parent keep coming to mind. The child embraces every opportunity to leave home for holiday, and admission into a higher institution far away from home will be the greatest news for the young adult. What about a full grown man or woman who still needs to cope with this parent? He or she will seldom look forward to the parent’s visit, rather excuses will be cooked up to avoid staying together under the same roof again. But this relationship must continue as long as there is life, so what do you do?
Forgive Past Hurts: I know this could be very difficult especially for someone who was abused physically, I know of someone whose left eye got blinded while being beaten by his father, but he has forgiven him and moved on with his life. Like some one said ‘forgiveness is releasing the hope that things could have been different, true forgiveness is realizing the gift in a bad childhood – and learning from it’. Remember that your past experience in life is part of what made you who you are today, besides the past is beyond you, no one has control over it, holding unto it is the same as crying over spilt milk. You hurt yourself more than you hurt the parent you refuse to forgive. So, garner the courage today and let go.
Do Not Ignore: I implore you, please do not ignore the difficult parent, deep inside them sometimes they wish they had treated you better than they did. Take the highway of treating them better than they treated you, for all you know their treatment of you could have been as a result of how their parents treated them, and since they had no better model for child training, they adopted the one their parents used. Also see them as your boss in the office, do you ignore your boss? No of course. Reach out to them with your gifts, kind words and call them to ask how they are faring.
Mind Your Words: When they speak to you angrily or complain about you, please listen and refrain yourself from erupting in anger. There is no need arguing/judging them or spilling your guts to them. At best slowly and calmly tell them how you feel, I know they may interrupt you, in this case respectfully change the topic or tell them you will like to leave. Remember, a calm cool response to an angry verbal onslaught can defuse a lethal experience.
Write them: For me writing people to express myself has always worked, and 99% of the people I recommended it to came back with great result. Start by expressing appreciation for them, write specifically about a good experience you had with them as a child, then go ahead and express how you feel about some of their actions and state in clear terms your expectations. Make it known that you will be delighted to get their reply, then pray for them – their health especially. What of those who are not lettered? Still write preferably in your mother tongue, read it to them yourself and wait for their response. Do not forget to ask them to pray for you. If you need help in writing, do not hesitate to write me please.
Above all, talk to your Creator about this parent, let Him know exactly how you feel and ask for help in relating with them. Ask Him to give you the strength to forgive your parent, and show them love.
Let us practice these tips and give feed back please.
:
Dupe Oteri.
relateandlive@yahoo.com., dupeoteri.blogspot.com
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Handling Financial Stress in Marriage (1)
Becky’s marriage was barely a year when Damien, her husband lost his job and things took a downward turn in their finances, the family was being sustained afterwards by Becky’s meager salary of N15,000.00 pm. During this trial she got pregnant, and what should have been a thing of joy seemed to add to their burden. The financial implication of pregnancy weighed them down extremely and at every slight provocation they shout at each other. When it came to the point of Damien assaulting his wife physically, she moved out of their home and went to live with her in-laws where she was delivered of a baby girl. The joyful addition too brought pressure on the grand parents and after few complaints and quarrels she decided to leave the baby with them and went to live with a friend of hers.
Hmmmm, so many marriages have ended in divorce because of financial pressures, once loving husbands became wife beaters, while the respectful wife turned to a niggling wife. The children are not left out too as the boys engage in yahoo yahoo or armed robbery, while the girls trade with their bodies to make ends meet.
No doubt about it, money is extremely important in a marriage, there are one thousand and one things that you need it for, but as important as it is we should not allow it to determine the downfall of our marriages. Let us discuss some tips that can help us handle financial pressure in marriage.
Talk About It: Communication in marriage can not be overemphasized, anything and everything should be talked about in marriage, especially your finances. Talk about it and listen to your spouse talk about it too. Discuss it fully, and take decisions together. Do be very careful when discussing this issue as money argument can become volatile, pick the right time, mood e.t.c. and avoid the blame game.
Get your priorities right: Cultivate the habit of making a list and assign numbers of importance to the list. We should apply the ‘important and urgent’ rule in setting priorities, for example the aso ebi for next week wedding in your office is urgent but not important, while the children school fees due in four weeks time is important but not urgent. Let us be very sincere in creating our list and stick to it.
Plan to fit your pocket: Starting from the choice of school for the children, go for schools that you can afford, do not be caught up in the belief that the more expensive a school is the more qualitative education you get, this is not always true. What you pay for more is likely to be the extra curricular activities which are truly important, but take etiquettes (one of theses activities) for example, you can read up tons of materials on this and practice with your child, save up for swimming, music or ballet classes, there are external centres offering these classes on pay- as- you- go basis, this way you are not put under pressure. Note that no matter the amount you pay as school fees, your involvement in your child’s learning activities can not be overemphasized.
Next time, we will share other tips like eliminating waste, forget about the Jones, e.t.c, till then please practice the tips discussed.
Hmmmm, so many marriages have ended in divorce because of financial pressures, once loving husbands became wife beaters, while the respectful wife turned to a niggling wife. The children are not left out too as the boys engage in yahoo yahoo or armed robbery, while the girls trade with their bodies to make ends meet.
No doubt about it, money is extremely important in a marriage, there are one thousand and one things that you need it for, but as important as it is we should not allow it to determine the downfall of our marriages. Let us discuss some tips that can help us handle financial pressure in marriage.
Talk About It: Communication in marriage can not be overemphasized, anything and everything should be talked about in marriage, especially your finances. Talk about it and listen to your spouse talk about it too. Discuss it fully, and take decisions together. Do be very careful when discussing this issue as money argument can become volatile, pick the right time, mood e.t.c. and avoid the blame game.
Get your priorities right: Cultivate the habit of making a list and assign numbers of importance to the list. We should apply the ‘important and urgent’ rule in setting priorities, for example the aso ebi for next week wedding in your office is urgent but not important, while the children school fees due in four weeks time is important but not urgent. Let us be very sincere in creating our list and stick to it.
Plan to fit your pocket: Starting from the choice of school for the children, go for schools that you can afford, do not be caught up in the belief that the more expensive a school is the more qualitative education you get, this is not always true. What you pay for more is likely to be the extra curricular activities which are truly important, but take etiquettes (one of theses activities) for example, you can read up tons of materials on this and practice with your child, save up for swimming, music or ballet classes, there are external centres offering these classes on pay- as- you- go basis, this way you are not put under pressure. Note that no matter the amount you pay as school fees, your involvement in your child’s learning activities can not be overemphasized.
Next time, we will share other tips like eliminating waste, forget about the Jones, e.t.c, till then please practice the tips discussed.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
RELATIONSHIP; THE CORE OF HUMAN EXISTENCE
When someone says I’m in a relationship, what comes to our mind most of the time is a loving or sexual friendship between two people, yes this is true, but there is much more to Relationship. Man was created for relationships, first with his Creator, himself, his fellowman and his environment. How well he is able to relate goes a long way in what becomes of him. The saying that no man is an island clearly explains this, our conception is a product of relationship between two individuals, the process of development is that of relating with our mother, at birth the relationship continues and we keep on relating till we go back to the grave. Even in the grave, the body relates with the elements of the earth. The whole world too is in relationships; nations relate with one another, Organisations are in relationships, Communities are also involved. Suffice it to say that if there is any skill man needs to learn and master well it should be the skill of relating, because our world revolves around relationships.
According to Bill Gate, aside from intelligence, people skill is one skill Microsoft looks out for during recruitment. The same goes for most successful organizations, as their people go up in the Company’s ladder, they look out for employees who have people skill and place them in leadership positions. Companies also spend an appreciable part of their financial resources on Customer Relations. For me people skill is knowing how to relate well with others. It does not mean you will agree with everyone you come across or that everyone will like you, it simply means no matter where you are, you value people, even if you disagree. Its also knowing and practicing teamwork, always conscious of the fact that you are a part of a team, a global team, a family team, a workplace team, e.t.c. It is also keeping in mind that the closure or non closure of a single deal, the sale or no sale of an individual product is not as important as the ongoing relationship with a customer. In other words, Relationship is extremely important.
We learn so many things consciously in life, we learn our trade and profession consciously but we fail to consciously learn the all important skill of relating. Most of us pick up our relational skills unconsciously from our environment, if we are born by parents who respects people around them, we too are bound to respect people around us, if our parents think little of those around them we too are likely to be caught up in the bug. If we all are affected positively or negatively by people around us, then we should be careful about the relationships we go into. Though some relationships are by default (planned by the Creator), others are by choice, in other words we have control over them. We do not have a say as to who our parents are, or whose sibling we are, but we have a choice when it comes to every other relationships, (if you don’t like your boss you can quit your job, just joking). Leadership expert John Maxwell says ‘People can trace the successes and failures in their lives to their most significant relationships’. Since we too contribute to the lives of those around us, it is important for us to learn how to relate well with them and help bring the best out of them, this will in turn affect us too.
I think this is part of the reason most wellness Companies in the United States are employing multilevel marketing or network marketing, rather than the use of other modes of advertising, they know that customers are all in relationships and their testimonials affect the way the people around them receive or reject their products..
Relationship is leverage, money, health, e.t.c. hence the advice that we take a look at the direction the lives of the seven people closest to us is going, because that is the direction our own lives too is headed. Either we reach our goals earlier or later is determined by acting on the information we have at our disposal, and information is obtained through our relationships. A friend tells you to check a site, read a particular book, informs you about the sale of a form, a colleague tells you about a professional course, or you relate with the internet and get the information you need. Your physician advises you on your health, the estate manager tells you about the sale of a land, your banker gives you financial advice e.t.c. At the end it all goes back to the relationship you keep with these people. No matter how skillful, talented and gifted we are, failing to relate well will mostly hinder our potentials. The Bill Gates, Dangotes, Otedolas of this world used and are still using relationships as leverage in achieving their goals, the same with notable sportsmen, artisans, professional e.t.c. It is extremely expedient that we build and cultivate relationships that will add to us and help us in reaching our goals.
Learning the skills of relating successfully is the main thrust of this column, I hope as we read and practice tips discussed in this column our relationships improves and we get better and better. Most people have lost opportunities just because they do not have people skills, some fell from grace to grass because of the lack of these skills, some rose from grass to grace because they have them. Whatever you do, whoever you are, you need to relate with others, as the CEO you have to relate with your colleagues and subordinates, as the visionary/leader you must sell your vision to others, you cannot single handedly bring your vision to reality, you need the help of others. As the husband/wife the understanding and loyalty of your household is required for the success of your home. So I implore you to keep a date with me on this column as we explore tips on how to sharpen our relationship skills.
Dupe Oteri
relateandlive@yahoo.com, dupeoteri.blogspot.com
According to Bill Gate, aside from intelligence, people skill is one skill Microsoft looks out for during recruitment. The same goes for most successful organizations, as their people go up in the Company’s ladder, they look out for employees who have people skill and place them in leadership positions. Companies also spend an appreciable part of their financial resources on Customer Relations. For me people skill is knowing how to relate well with others. It does not mean you will agree with everyone you come across or that everyone will like you, it simply means no matter where you are, you value people, even if you disagree. Its also knowing and practicing teamwork, always conscious of the fact that you are a part of a team, a global team, a family team, a workplace team, e.t.c. It is also keeping in mind that the closure or non closure of a single deal, the sale or no sale of an individual product is not as important as the ongoing relationship with a customer. In other words, Relationship is extremely important.
We learn so many things consciously in life, we learn our trade and profession consciously but we fail to consciously learn the all important skill of relating. Most of us pick up our relational skills unconsciously from our environment, if we are born by parents who respects people around them, we too are bound to respect people around us, if our parents think little of those around them we too are likely to be caught up in the bug. If we all are affected positively or negatively by people around us, then we should be careful about the relationships we go into. Though some relationships are by default (planned by the Creator), others are by choice, in other words we have control over them. We do not have a say as to who our parents are, or whose sibling we are, but we have a choice when it comes to every other relationships, (if you don’t like your boss you can quit your job, just joking). Leadership expert John Maxwell says ‘People can trace the successes and failures in their lives to their most significant relationships’. Since we too contribute to the lives of those around us, it is important for us to learn how to relate well with them and help bring the best out of them, this will in turn affect us too.
I think this is part of the reason most wellness Companies in the United States are employing multilevel marketing or network marketing, rather than the use of other modes of advertising, they know that customers are all in relationships and their testimonials affect the way the people around them receive or reject their products..
Relationship is leverage, money, health, e.t.c. hence the advice that we take a look at the direction the lives of the seven people closest to us is going, because that is the direction our own lives too is headed. Either we reach our goals earlier or later is determined by acting on the information we have at our disposal, and information is obtained through our relationships. A friend tells you to check a site, read a particular book, informs you about the sale of a form, a colleague tells you about a professional course, or you relate with the internet and get the information you need. Your physician advises you on your health, the estate manager tells you about the sale of a land, your banker gives you financial advice e.t.c. At the end it all goes back to the relationship you keep with these people. No matter how skillful, talented and gifted we are, failing to relate well will mostly hinder our potentials. The Bill Gates, Dangotes, Otedolas of this world used and are still using relationships as leverage in achieving their goals, the same with notable sportsmen, artisans, professional e.t.c. It is extremely expedient that we build and cultivate relationships that will add to us and help us in reaching our goals.
Learning the skills of relating successfully is the main thrust of this column, I hope as we read and practice tips discussed in this column our relationships improves and we get better and better. Most people have lost opportunities just because they do not have people skills, some fell from grace to grass because of the lack of these skills, some rose from grass to grace because they have them. Whatever you do, whoever you are, you need to relate with others, as the CEO you have to relate with your colleagues and subordinates, as the visionary/leader you must sell your vision to others, you cannot single handedly bring your vision to reality, you need the help of others. As the husband/wife the understanding and loyalty of your household is required for the success of your home. So I implore you to keep a date with me on this column as we explore tips on how to sharpen our relationship skills.
Dupe Oteri
relateandlive@yahoo.com, dupeoteri.blogspot.com
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE, IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE
Read, Practise and Please send to your married friends, I hope it blesses your marriage in Jesus Name.
IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE, IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE
As you read this, thousands of couples would be making love just like millions more are eating or drinking water. So what is the big deal about this three letter word that seems to make the world spin, it makes people’s world spin too individually you know. While others enjoy it, others endure it, while some have jeopardized their destinies by engaging in it, others have found their destinies by engaging in it. The latter did in the only context made available for it by the only Wise One, God our Creator, that is the context of MARRIAGE, I mean marriage between a man and a woman as it happened from the beginning.
Sex should be a beautiful experience when done God’s way, I will say it’s the most satisfying experience any married couple can and should experience together. Its enjoyment solidifies a marriage that you wonder if this couple ever quarrels, while enduring it will eventually create friction sooner or later in a marriage relationship.
Let’s see how we can make it work for us instead of against us. I pray the Holy Spirit inspires you as you read.
1. Tell God about it: Does this sound funny? Maybe, but since His word says He cares for You, (and His word is the truest word ever) then I think you should take it to Him in prayer, tell Him exactly how you feel about yourself and even about your spouse, tell Him you want to give your spouse pleasure in all things, sex inclusive, ask Him for help. I tell you He knows how to help you, He has millions of ways to do it. For example if one of the partners does not like talking about it and it is an area of challenge for them, after the other partner must have prayed, God could lead the one who does not like talking about it to read a particular book, visit a couple that will talk about it, or create the desire to talk about it in this person. Don’t let’s even chatter about how He will do it for He knows just what to do.
Also ask for forgiveness for any other mistake you have made in that aspect of your life, believe He has forgiven you and forgive yourself also.
2. Talk extensively about it with your spouse: The man and his wife were naked and were not ashamed……. Says God in His manual for living (the Bible). It is better you have a discussion about it lovingly and let your spouse know what you want, how you want it e.t.c. I understand that this may seem difficult for a lady in the African culture, but remember you are a Christian first before an African and the more you talk about it the better and more open you feel. So I implore you summon up the courage, talk about it. In fact you will be surprised that your spouse too is willing to talk about it if you take the initiative.
3. Get and Use Materials on the topic: Read books like ‘Acts of Marriage by Tim and Beverly Lahaye’, Made for Pleasure, there are so many good books on the shelf on this issue, and they have helped so many couples. It is better if the two of you read them together, invest time in your marriage by setting at least some minutes apart to read to each other before retiring for bed, if not all days pick some days in the week and improve yourself. Also Listen to tapes and attend marriage seminars together. Most of us get materials on wealth creation e.t.c. but we refuse to invest in materials that can help us improve our marriages. After making all the money we desire I am sure we want to spend it together with our family, especially our spouse because the children will eventually leave home leaving us …. So what happens next? It is wise then to invest in this all important aspect of our lives.
4. Spend quality time together away from distractions: Most couples are careful not to be noticed when making love, for God’s sake you are married and it is a duty you owe each other. Lock your doors from distractions; let anyone (including your children) who comes into your room knock before entering. You should take time out once in a while to really explore and savor your love making. Get away from that five minutes thing and get down to real business. Where will we put the children? I hear you say, drop them at your friends or grannies for once.
5. Try it outside your home: I know some see vacation as an expensive thing to do, I dare say you can plan it to fit your pocket. You don’t need to jet off to Hawaii, start with your state, if giving your partner pleasure is so important to you, then I say it is worth saving towards, if you need to get a piggy’s bank for it, do it. I challenge you to put something aside daily for the next 6 months, let’s see --- N100 for the next 6 month (180 days) is what …… N18,000.00. It looks small but it can do something for a night, start with your state, check out a hotel you can afford, go there with your spouse and improve your life. I am sure you won’t lack ideas (you can send an email to me for more ideas – relateandlive@yahoo.com).
6. Take care of your health: Exercise regularly to keep your energy level up and allow blood flow freely to every part of your body. Bad breath and fetid odor can kill off sexual desire in any man or woman. I implore you to take care of your look also. Please ma, do not carry that hairstyle for too long, loose it before it starts giving off offensive odour. Let’s invest in the way we smell (fresh and clean is the rule of the game), apart from boosting sex desires in our spouse, it boosts our own self confidence too. I advise that we ladies choose our beauty products carefully, avoid anyone your spouse complain about and encourage him to tell you the ones he likes. Men too should be sensitive to the needs of their wives, some women love clean shaven men, while others do not mind you grooming your beards, whatever she loves, please do, your reward, you will not loose by doing this. All under wears should be washed and not soaked unreasonably; they give unpleasant odour and also breed germs if left uncared for.
TO BE CONTINUED………………………………
Your feed back is highly valuable, it will help in encouraging someone else. So Please practice and give feed back……. .relateandlive@yahoo.com. Also visit dupeoteri.blogspot.com for more on Relationships.
IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE, IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE
As you read this, thousands of couples would be making love just like millions more are eating or drinking water. So what is the big deal about this three letter word that seems to make the world spin, it makes people’s world spin too individually you know. While others enjoy it, others endure it, while some have jeopardized their destinies by engaging in it, others have found their destinies by engaging in it. The latter did in the only context made available for it by the only Wise One, God our Creator, that is the context of MARRIAGE, I mean marriage between a man and a woman as it happened from the beginning.
Sex should be a beautiful experience when done God’s way, I will say it’s the most satisfying experience any married couple can and should experience together. Its enjoyment solidifies a marriage that you wonder if this couple ever quarrels, while enduring it will eventually create friction sooner or later in a marriage relationship.
Let’s see how we can make it work for us instead of against us. I pray the Holy Spirit inspires you as you read.
1. Tell God about it: Does this sound funny? Maybe, but since His word says He cares for You, (and His word is the truest word ever) then I think you should take it to Him in prayer, tell Him exactly how you feel about yourself and even about your spouse, tell Him you want to give your spouse pleasure in all things, sex inclusive, ask Him for help. I tell you He knows how to help you, He has millions of ways to do it. For example if one of the partners does not like talking about it and it is an area of challenge for them, after the other partner must have prayed, God could lead the one who does not like talking about it to read a particular book, visit a couple that will talk about it, or create the desire to talk about it in this person. Don’t let’s even chatter about how He will do it for He knows just what to do.
Also ask for forgiveness for any other mistake you have made in that aspect of your life, believe He has forgiven you and forgive yourself also.
2. Talk extensively about it with your spouse: The man and his wife were naked and were not ashamed……. Says God in His manual for living (the Bible). It is better you have a discussion about it lovingly and let your spouse know what you want, how you want it e.t.c. I understand that this may seem difficult for a lady in the African culture, but remember you are a Christian first before an African and the more you talk about it the better and more open you feel. So I implore you summon up the courage, talk about it. In fact you will be surprised that your spouse too is willing to talk about it if you take the initiative.
3. Get and Use Materials on the topic: Read books like ‘Acts of Marriage by Tim and Beverly Lahaye’, Made for Pleasure, there are so many good books on the shelf on this issue, and they have helped so many couples. It is better if the two of you read them together, invest time in your marriage by setting at least some minutes apart to read to each other before retiring for bed, if not all days pick some days in the week and improve yourself. Also Listen to tapes and attend marriage seminars together. Most of us get materials on wealth creation e.t.c. but we refuse to invest in materials that can help us improve our marriages. After making all the money we desire I am sure we want to spend it together with our family, especially our spouse because the children will eventually leave home leaving us …. So what happens next? It is wise then to invest in this all important aspect of our lives.
4. Spend quality time together away from distractions: Most couples are careful not to be noticed when making love, for God’s sake you are married and it is a duty you owe each other. Lock your doors from distractions; let anyone (including your children) who comes into your room knock before entering. You should take time out once in a while to really explore and savor your love making. Get away from that five minutes thing and get down to real business. Where will we put the children? I hear you say, drop them at your friends or grannies for once.
5. Try it outside your home: I know some see vacation as an expensive thing to do, I dare say you can plan it to fit your pocket. You don’t need to jet off to Hawaii, start with your state, if giving your partner pleasure is so important to you, then I say it is worth saving towards, if you need to get a piggy’s bank for it, do it. I challenge you to put something aside daily for the next 6 months, let’s see --- N100 for the next 6 month (180 days) is what …… N18,000.00. It looks small but it can do something for a night, start with your state, check out a hotel you can afford, go there with your spouse and improve your life. I am sure you won’t lack ideas (you can send an email to me for more ideas – relateandlive@yahoo.com).
6. Take care of your health: Exercise regularly to keep your energy level up and allow blood flow freely to every part of your body. Bad breath and fetid odor can kill off sexual desire in any man or woman. I implore you to take care of your look also. Please ma, do not carry that hairstyle for too long, loose it before it starts giving off offensive odour. Let’s invest in the way we smell (fresh and clean is the rule of the game), apart from boosting sex desires in our spouse, it boosts our own self confidence too. I advise that we ladies choose our beauty products carefully, avoid anyone your spouse complain about and encourage him to tell you the ones he likes. Men too should be sensitive to the needs of their wives, some women love clean shaven men, while others do not mind you grooming your beards, whatever she loves, please do, your reward, you will not loose by doing this. All under wears should be washed and not soaked unreasonably; they give unpleasant odour and also breed germs if left uncared for.
TO BE CONTINUED………………………………
Your feed back is highly valuable, it will help in encouraging someone else. So Please practice and give feed back……. .relateandlive@yahoo.com. Also visit dupeoteri.blogspot.com for more on Relationships.
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