When someone says I’m in a relationship, what comes to our mind most of the time is a loving or sexual friendship between two people, yes this is true, but there is much more to Relationship. Man was created for relationships, first with his Creator, himself, his fellowman and his environment. How well he is able to relate goes a long way in what becomes of him. The saying that no man is an island clearly explains this, our conception is a product of relationship between two individuals, the process of development is that of relating with our mother, at birth the relationship continues and we keep on relating till we go back to the grave. Even in the grave, the body relates with the elements of the earth. The whole world too is in relationships; nations relate with one another, Organisations are in relationships, Communities are also involved. Suffice it to say that if there is any skill man needs to learn and master well it should be the skill of relating, because our world revolves around relationships.
According to Bill Gate, aside from intelligence, people skill is one skill Microsoft looks out for during recruitment. The same goes for most successful organizations, as their people go up in the Company’s ladder, they look out for employees who have people skill and place them in leadership positions. Companies also spend an appreciable part of their financial resources on Customer Relations. For me people skill is knowing how to relate well with others. It does not mean you will agree with everyone you come across or that everyone will like you, it simply means no matter where you are, you value people, even if you disagree. Its also knowing and practicing teamwork, always conscious of the fact that you are a part of a team, a global team, a family team, a workplace team, e.t.c. It is also keeping in mind that the closure or non closure of a single deal, the sale or no sale of an individual product is not as important as the ongoing relationship with a customer. In other words, Relationship is extremely important.
We learn so many things consciously in life, we learn our trade and profession consciously but we fail to consciously learn the all important skill of relating. Most of us pick up our relational skills unconsciously from our environment, if we are born by parents who respects people around them, we too are bound to respect people around us, if our parents think little of those around them we too are likely to be caught up in the bug. If we all are affected positively or negatively by people around us, then we should be careful about the relationships we go into. Though some relationships are by default (planned by the Creator), others are by choice, in other words we have control over them. We do not have a say as to who our parents are, or whose sibling we are, but we have a choice when it comes to every other relationships, (if you don’t like your boss you can quit your job, just joking). Leadership expert John Maxwell says ‘People can trace the successes and failures in their lives to their most significant relationships’. Since we too contribute to the lives of those around us, it is important for us to learn how to relate well with them and help bring the best out of them, this will in turn affect us too.
I think this is part of the reason most wellness Companies in the United States are employing multilevel marketing or network marketing, rather than the use of other modes of advertising, they know that customers are all in relationships and their testimonials affect the way the people around them receive or reject their products..
Relationship is leverage, money, health, e.t.c. hence the advice that we take a look at the direction the lives of the seven people closest to us is going, because that is the direction our own lives too is headed. Either we reach our goals earlier or later is determined by acting on the information we have at our disposal, and information is obtained through our relationships. A friend tells you to check a site, read a particular book, informs you about the sale of a form, a colleague tells you about a professional course, or you relate with the internet and get the information you need. Your physician advises you on your health, the estate manager tells you about the sale of a land, your banker gives you financial advice e.t.c. At the end it all goes back to the relationship you keep with these people. No matter how skillful, talented and gifted we are, failing to relate well will mostly hinder our potentials. The Bill Gates, Dangotes, Otedolas of this world used and are still using relationships as leverage in achieving their goals, the same with notable sportsmen, artisans, professional e.t.c. It is extremely expedient that we build and cultivate relationships that will add to us and help us in reaching our goals.
Learning the skills of relating successfully is the main thrust of this column, I hope as we read and practice tips discussed in this column our relationships improves and we get better and better. Most people have lost opportunities just because they do not have people skills, some fell from grace to grass because of the lack of these skills, some rose from grass to grace because they have them. Whatever you do, whoever you are, you need to relate with others, as the CEO you have to relate with your colleagues and subordinates, as the visionary/leader you must sell your vision to others, you cannot single handedly bring your vision to reality, you need the help of others. As the husband/wife the understanding and loyalty of your household is required for the success of your home. So I implore you to keep a date with me on this column as we explore tips on how to sharpen our relationship skills.
Dupe Oteri
relateandlive@yahoo.com, dupeoteri.blogspot.com
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE, IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE
Read, Practise and Please send to your married friends, I hope it blesses your marriage in Jesus Name.
IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE, IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE
As you read this, thousands of couples would be making love just like millions more are eating or drinking water. So what is the big deal about this three letter word that seems to make the world spin, it makes people’s world spin too individually you know. While others enjoy it, others endure it, while some have jeopardized their destinies by engaging in it, others have found their destinies by engaging in it. The latter did in the only context made available for it by the only Wise One, God our Creator, that is the context of MARRIAGE, I mean marriage between a man and a woman as it happened from the beginning.
Sex should be a beautiful experience when done God’s way, I will say it’s the most satisfying experience any married couple can and should experience together. Its enjoyment solidifies a marriage that you wonder if this couple ever quarrels, while enduring it will eventually create friction sooner or later in a marriage relationship.
Let’s see how we can make it work for us instead of against us. I pray the Holy Spirit inspires you as you read.
1. Tell God about it: Does this sound funny? Maybe, but since His word says He cares for You, (and His word is the truest word ever) then I think you should take it to Him in prayer, tell Him exactly how you feel about yourself and even about your spouse, tell Him you want to give your spouse pleasure in all things, sex inclusive, ask Him for help. I tell you He knows how to help you, He has millions of ways to do it. For example if one of the partners does not like talking about it and it is an area of challenge for them, after the other partner must have prayed, God could lead the one who does not like talking about it to read a particular book, visit a couple that will talk about it, or create the desire to talk about it in this person. Don’t let’s even chatter about how He will do it for He knows just what to do.
Also ask for forgiveness for any other mistake you have made in that aspect of your life, believe He has forgiven you and forgive yourself also.
2. Talk extensively about it with your spouse: The man and his wife were naked and were not ashamed……. Says God in His manual for living (the Bible). It is better you have a discussion about it lovingly and let your spouse know what you want, how you want it e.t.c. I understand that this may seem difficult for a lady in the African culture, but remember you are a Christian first before an African and the more you talk about it the better and more open you feel. So I implore you summon up the courage, talk about it. In fact you will be surprised that your spouse too is willing to talk about it if you take the initiative.
3. Get and Use Materials on the topic: Read books like ‘Acts of Marriage by Tim and Beverly Lahaye’, Made for Pleasure, there are so many good books on the shelf on this issue, and they have helped so many couples. It is better if the two of you read them together, invest time in your marriage by setting at least some minutes apart to read to each other before retiring for bed, if not all days pick some days in the week and improve yourself. Also Listen to tapes and attend marriage seminars together. Most of us get materials on wealth creation e.t.c. but we refuse to invest in materials that can help us improve our marriages. After making all the money we desire I am sure we want to spend it together with our family, especially our spouse because the children will eventually leave home leaving us …. So what happens next? It is wise then to invest in this all important aspect of our lives.
4. Spend quality time together away from distractions: Most couples are careful not to be noticed when making love, for God’s sake you are married and it is a duty you owe each other. Lock your doors from distractions; let anyone (including your children) who comes into your room knock before entering. You should take time out once in a while to really explore and savor your love making. Get away from that five minutes thing and get down to real business. Where will we put the children? I hear you say, drop them at your friends or grannies for once.
5. Try it outside your home: I know some see vacation as an expensive thing to do, I dare say you can plan it to fit your pocket. You don’t need to jet off to Hawaii, start with your state, if giving your partner pleasure is so important to you, then I say it is worth saving towards, if you need to get a piggy’s bank for it, do it. I challenge you to put something aside daily for the next 6 months, let’s see --- N100 for the next 6 month (180 days) is what …… N18,000.00. It looks small but it can do something for a night, start with your state, check out a hotel you can afford, go there with your spouse and improve your life. I am sure you won’t lack ideas (you can send an email to me for more ideas – relateandlive@yahoo.com).
6. Take care of your health: Exercise regularly to keep your energy level up and allow blood flow freely to every part of your body. Bad breath and fetid odor can kill off sexual desire in any man or woman. I implore you to take care of your look also. Please ma, do not carry that hairstyle for too long, loose it before it starts giving off offensive odour. Let’s invest in the way we smell (fresh and clean is the rule of the game), apart from boosting sex desires in our spouse, it boosts our own self confidence too. I advise that we ladies choose our beauty products carefully, avoid anyone your spouse complain about and encourage him to tell you the ones he likes. Men too should be sensitive to the needs of their wives, some women love clean shaven men, while others do not mind you grooming your beards, whatever she loves, please do, your reward, you will not loose by doing this. All under wears should be washed and not soaked unreasonably; they give unpleasant odour and also breed germs if left uncared for.
TO BE CONTINUED………………………………
Your feed back is highly valuable, it will help in encouraging someone else. So Please practice and give feed back……. .relateandlive@yahoo.com. Also visit dupeoteri.blogspot.com for more on Relationships.
IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE, IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE
As you read this, thousands of couples would be making love just like millions more are eating or drinking water. So what is the big deal about this three letter word that seems to make the world spin, it makes people’s world spin too individually you know. While others enjoy it, others endure it, while some have jeopardized their destinies by engaging in it, others have found their destinies by engaging in it. The latter did in the only context made available for it by the only Wise One, God our Creator, that is the context of MARRIAGE, I mean marriage between a man and a woman as it happened from the beginning.
Sex should be a beautiful experience when done God’s way, I will say it’s the most satisfying experience any married couple can and should experience together. Its enjoyment solidifies a marriage that you wonder if this couple ever quarrels, while enduring it will eventually create friction sooner or later in a marriage relationship.
Let’s see how we can make it work for us instead of against us. I pray the Holy Spirit inspires you as you read.
1. Tell God about it: Does this sound funny? Maybe, but since His word says He cares for You, (and His word is the truest word ever) then I think you should take it to Him in prayer, tell Him exactly how you feel about yourself and even about your spouse, tell Him you want to give your spouse pleasure in all things, sex inclusive, ask Him for help. I tell you He knows how to help you, He has millions of ways to do it. For example if one of the partners does not like talking about it and it is an area of challenge for them, after the other partner must have prayed, God could lead the one who does not like talking about it to read a particular book, visit a couple that will talk about it, or create the desire to talk about it in this person. Don’t let’s even chatter about how He will do it for He knows just what to do.
Also ask for forgiveness for any other mistake you have made in that aspect of your life, believe He has forgiven you and forgive yourself also.
2. Talk extensively about it with your spouse: The man and his wife were naked and were not ashamed……. Says God in His manual for living (the Bible). It is better you have a discussion about it lovingly and let your spouse know what you want, how you want it e.t.c. I understand that this may seem difficult for a lady in the African culture, but remember you are a Christian first before an African and the more you talk about it the better and more open you feel. So I implore you summon up the courage, talk about it. In fact you will be surprised that your spouse too is willing to talk about it if you take the initiative.
3. Get and Use Materials on the topic: Read books like ‘Acts of Marriage by Tim and Beverly Lahaye’, Made for Pleasure, there are so many good books on the shelf on this issue, and they have helped so many couples. It is better if the two of you read them together, invest time in your marriage by setting at least some minutes apart to read to each other before retiring for bed, if not all days pick some days in the week and improve yourself. Also Listen to tapes and attend marriage seminars together. Most of us get materials on wealth creation e.t.c. but we refuse to invest in materials that can help us improve our marriages. After making all the money we desire I am sure we want to spend it together with our family, especially our spouse because the children will eventually leave home leaving us …. So what happens next? It is wise then to invest in this all important aspect of our lives.
4. Spend quality time together away from distractions: Most couples are careful not to be noticed when making love, for God’s sake you are married and it is a duty you owe each other. Lock your doors from distractions; let anyone (including your children) who comes into your room knock before entering. You should take time out once in a while to really explore and savor your love making. Get away from that five minutes thing and get down to real business. Where will we put the children? I hear you say, drop them at your friends or grannies for once.
5. Try it outside your home: I know some see vacation as an expensive thing to do, I dare say you can plan it to fit your pocket. You don’t need to jet off to Hawaii, start with your state, if giving your partner pleasure is so important to you, then I say it is worth saving towards, if you need to get a piggy’s bank for it, do it. I challenge you to put something aside daily for the next 6 months, let’s see --- N100 for the next 6 month (180 days) is what …… N18,000.00. It looks small but it can do something for a night, start with your state, check out a hotel you can afford, go there with your spouse and improve your life. I am sure you won’t lack ideas (you can send an email to me for more ideas – relateandlive@yahoo.com).
6. Take care of your health: Exercise regularly to keep your energy level up and allow blood flow freely to every part of your body. Bad breath and fetid odor can kill off sexual desire in any man or woman. I implore you to take care of your look also. Please ma, do not carry that hairstyle for too long, loose it before it starts giving off offensive odour. Let’s invest in the way we smell (fresh and clean is the rule of the game), apart from boosting sex desires in our spouse, it boosts our own self confidence too. I advise that we ladies choose our beauty products carefully, avoid anyone your spouse complain about and encourage him to tell you the ones he likes. Men too should be sensitive to the needs of their wives, some women love clean shaven men, while others do not mind you grooming your beards, whatever she loves, please do, your reward, you will not loose by doing this. All under wears should be washed and not soaked unreasonably; they give unpleasant odour and also breed germs if left uncared for.
TO BE CONTINUED………………………………
Your feed back is highly valuable, it will help in encouraging someone else. So Please practice and give feed back……. .relateandlive@yahoo.com. Also visit dupeoteri.blogspot.com for more on Relationships.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)