STRENTHEN YOUR MARRIAGE, DO THESE LITTLE THINGS…….

The union between a man and a woman is a strong phenomenon that has been with man since the beginning of creation, it is the strongest union/relationship on earth. No one can explain it but everyone has unique way of expressing the feeling that comes over you when you meet the one you love and express your love to him/her. The euphoria of being in love often leave so many happy and contended at the beginning, one can not just explain it, that feeling you get each time you think about the one you love, seeing or hearing his/her voice causes your heart to leap and your stomach to take a deep bow. If you have experienced it, then you can explain it.
So, after all these at the beginning of 99% of marriage relationships why the sudden change of songs in many marriages? Why the bitterness, the lack of forgiveness, the hatred and then the divorce? All these feelings are allowed to build up overtimes, mistrust here and there, misguided statements, selfishness, esteeming self above the relationship, pride, arrogance, e.t.c. all contribute to separation or divorce. At this stage people forget the good old days, they forget the beginning, and especially the vows made, not even the children are given consideration. The purpose of this write up is not to use a sledge hammer on those already involved in divorce please, it is to offer help to those who are still together, those who are considering reconciliation, those who want to start afresh, and any one who will eventually take a plunge into the world of the married.
There are little things that make all the difference in a marriage, doing them daily become habits and these habits in turn strengthen marriages. We are examining some of these tips today and we will consider others subsequently. But let me sound a cautious note please, DOING these things is key, not just KNOWING them. I am sure by the time you are through reading this piece you will discover you know all of these things, but sincerely ask yourself do you do them? Or how often do you do them? I encourage you to do them and encourage your spouse too, hmmmmm …… I did not say nag your spouse into doing them please, just encourage them. Do not give up if they find it strange at the beginning (especially for couples who have been married for sometimes now) keep at it and I bet they will soon catch the bug.
1. Eat together : No matter how busy the two of you are try and take at least a meal together daily. So many things happen when you eat together, you are bound to look at each other, you talk, your hands collide, you touch, e.t.c. All these are good for a marriage relationship, they help you bond, and I tell you scarcely will any marriage survive without a bond between the two parties.

2. Play together: Sounds funny, playing is for children I hear someone say, good, don’t you cherish your childhood? Those days you had fun with your friends on the field, in your garage, at the school play ground? Some of us remember the things we did then and smile leaving others to wonder where we have gone in our memories. Play games together with your spouse, play a fast one on your kids together, be mischievous with your children, your friends e.t.c. Solve puzzles together.

Lets take a pause here, we will continue next week by God’s grace. In the mean time, I encourage you to practice these two tips. I am sure you will enjoy them. Your marriage will blissful.

Dupe Oteri
relateandlive@yahoo.com, dupeoteri.blogspot

Communication, life-line of all Relationships

I heard the story of a man who believed that a woman should not be trusted with ‘vital’ information like how much he makes, his plans for their own house, car e.t.c. At the end the man died having so much money in the bank, two buildings in choice places in the city but only his greedy lawyer had access to all these. The lawyer connived with a lady who impersonated the man’s wife and the things that should have been inherited by his family went to the lawyer and his accomplice. If this man were to look from beyond, what do you think his reaction will be? If he were given a chance to live again what would he do differently?

Communication is the life of any relationship, when it begins to decline the relationship begins to die. Whether you are referring to an issue involving the whole world or those of your household, being informed is a major issue. Divorce does not start in a day, it begins gradually basically because people are not communicating, I agree that lack of understanding between parties causes divorce but this in itself is part of the process of communication. Leaders especially must be very conscious of this human need while leading. It is very essential that you do not leave people to their imaginations or speculations about issues they expect you to communicate to them about, else you (as a leader) are just taking a stroll alone in the park.

In relationships, especially marriage, you do not swear the oath of secrecy since your decisions and actions does not only affect you but all those on board i.e. your spouse and your children basically.

Communication with your people on your goals, plans, aspiration especially your spouse is crucial. As a leader wherever you find yourself, communicate with your people and do not take them for granted. Even your children, communicate with them, do not think they are too young to be carried along, talk to them in the way appropriate to their age. When people are informed they feel a sense of belonging and see themselves as a stakeholder in the business.

Try turning the table around and put yourself in others shoes in all your relationships, in the work place how will you feel if your boss does not communicate with you about the plans for your unit, when there is profit or loss the management says nothing. In your home, your wife informs you one morning that she is resuming in another office today, I mean she has taken up another job, or your son comes home from school and tells you he has changed his course of study in the university. Your leader in the church/mosque tells the congregation that he just single handedly bought a new place of worship for you all (assume you are on the church/mosque board). Truly ask yourself what your reaction will be. This is what you do as a leader each time you fail to communicate to the people you are leading.
Let us redefine the way we relate with people especially our spouses, start talking/communicating and expect budding relationships all around you.

Dupe Oteri
@relateandlive,  dupeoteri.blogspot, relateandlive@yahoo.com,

Trust, A Social Capital. Can You Spend It?

A friend told me about a young graduate who went into fashion designing for lack of gainful employment. This gentle man who built his business on trust now design clothes for the very rich in our society. He started out by taking orders, collect only money for the materials and then deliver on the particular date he promised. Soon word spread around that he is one reliable fellow and then business took off real good for him. I learnt that prompt delivery is his unique selling point aside the fact that he sews neatly. His customers have come to TRUST and rely on him to deliver on time. So also a Cheque, (an ordinary piece of paper) is accepted on TRUST, that once the receiver gets to the bank, it will be honoured and he/she would be paid the amount written on it, which would be drawn from the givers account. We can buy on trust, lend on trust, and borrow on trust depending on who we are dealing with.
Trust in relationship is a big issue, be it business, marital, family or whatever kind of relationship we are involved in. No one wants to do business with a man/woman or organization that is not trustworthy. Many of us are weary of artisans simply because we do not trust them to deliver at the time they promise, also so many families have been torn apart for lack of trust, and same goes for social groups. No doubt we are facing a major challenge in our nation today due to lack of trust – the governed do not trust the people governing them. Trust is an essential value that is necessary in every human transaction, think about it, we marry on trust, employ on trust, join a company on trust, and board a bus/cab//plane/ship on trust, e.t.c. Or would you board a plane that you know has not been serviced for the past two years? You won’t of course. You board a plane because you TRUST it must have been serviced.

Let us then ask ourselves these questions. Can my words be taken like the Cheque I issue? Can someone else recommend me on trust? Can people accept my services/goods on trust? Am I even trustworthy? When I say “I am on my way, please wait for me” Would people wait or rather say “let’s go, she sure hasn’t left her bathroom” What does MY TRUST ACCOUNT LOOK LIKE? Is it fat, in red, blank? Can my (TRUST) cheque be honoured by others?

Trust is built overtime; at the long run you earn people’s trust by keeping your word and fulfilling your promises. You do not earn people’s trust by breaking promises flagrantly, always remember the golden rule that you do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. No one, not even you love to be disappointed, we all want others to keep their word, so others expect us to keep our words. If we agree that trust is a very vital issue in our day-to-day life, and then we should cultivate it, build on it, imbibe it, and let it be part of us, so that we can spend it and use it to get what we desire in life.

Dupe Oteri
relateandlive@yahoo.com, dupeoteri.blogspot