A Girl's Dread

She heaved a sigh of relief at the sound of the siren proclaiming ‘closing time’, walked toward the locker, picked up her bag ready to go home……………….

“Look Vera! Your skirt is stained with red ink!!”  It was the voice of Ada, the youngest girl in the class. Vera quickly turned to see for herself. Lo and behold, it is not red ink; it is blood……blood stain on her skirt.

Her heart skipped, what happened? did she sit on a stained seat at the cafeteria during the break  period, or someone mischievous poured blood on her seat………. . Oh! Maybe she has suddenly “become a woman’. Her heart skipped again at this thought. Luckily for her only Ada saw the stain as her other classmates were busy trying to get their bags and head home. She thanked Ada, and assured her she will clean it up. 

She slowly went back to her seat walking with her backside to the wall; thankfully her seat is by the wall. She felt grateful that none of the boys had seen the stain. She sat down and the next line of action flooded her mind. How do I walk home without people noticing? If truly I have become a woman what will I do now? Should she ask someone to call Miss Zubair, her health education teacher, what if she had gone home?

Truly Vera’s mum had engaged her in the "menarche" talk long before now, Mrs. Zubair had lectured the whole class on it before too, but she did not expect it this soon, or maybe not in the school, she thought it will happen at home……………….

“Vera……. Why are you still sitting? Aren’t you going home?’ Damifoluwa, her best friend in the class called out walking towards her. 

Before she could reply her friend, Mr. Iware, the Basic Science teacher walked in…..

“Vera, the principal wants you now……..”

It seems the ground should give way……..but then she heard her mum’s voice

“Vera, wake up aren’t you going to school today?”

She jumped out of bed with sweat all over her body…….Phew! It is only a dream!

“Good morning mummy”

My God will Supply all Your NEEDS WANTS

Chinedu opened his email that morning to meet the best news of his life in that year, he finally got his dream job, ……… reading downwards…….. the job came with an official apartment in Ikeja Governmnet Residential Area. He wept for joy! At last! At last!! At last!!! He kept saying ‘at last’. The ‘at last’ is not because of the job, but the official apartment and more importantly the location, Ikeja GRA.

He decided not to communicate the good news to his wife via the phone, he would wait till he gets home. At home, he gave her the letter, and the first thing she said was ‘’at last’’ . . .  . . . . They both went down memory lane of how they got the revelation that they will live in GRA, how they went in search of a two bedroom apartment in GRA after their first child, how disappointed they were when they found out their financial status as at the time is not at par with the rent paid in GRA . . . . .how they bound, loose, fasted, trusted, confessed and oh what not. . . . . . . still GRA refused them  residence’ status until that morning. They had a good laugh.

Five years later, they bought a 3 bdr bungalow in GRA (on mortgage).It took them 17 years after the revelation of their living in GRA to live there, 22 years to eventually own a property there,

Yes! God has promised every one of us a bright future, yes! We all have dreams; yes! our pastors have told us to have big plans, yes! They are all good………….. let’s pause here, I am not writing to kill your dreams, or ambition, I am not telling you to aim low,  I am not saying you should not dream big, rather I am encouraging you ‘to take life one step at a time’ else you end up in frustration and call God who showed you the end (right from the beginning) a liar. Far from it, He can not lie.

He promised to supply all your NEEDS not your fantasies, trust me He knows what you need per time, He has also promised to never leave nor forsake you, He says He will not withhold any good thing from you, He knows you need to build character to sustain you where He is taking you to, use the waiting period to develop yourself.

So if that brand new car is not showing up please get the Tokunbo (fairly used) car that you can afford, you will be surprised how the Tokunbo car will serve you and give you no problem with the mechanic.

If your finances combined with your fiancée’ own can not uphold a talk of the town wedding, please have a talk of ‘the compound wedding’ and stop comparing yourself with your colleague whose mum is a bank director, his dad a politician, his older siblings are in Canada with good jobs. You and I know that you are the alpha and omega of your clan. He knows what you need……….

 If your husband salary combined with yours can not pay a term fees in ‘a high class school’ please settle for a school of quality with low fees, ask God to direct you to that school that your child needs, do not put yourself and your spouse under unnecessary pressure. He knows what you need………………

You desire a 3bedroom apartment, but you need a loan to rent, still need a loan to continually make yearly payment? I do not think you NEED it for NOW, look for 2bedroom mbok!  And make it a HOME while trusting God for that 3bed sometimes near in the future, remember you have 2 children, one of them is already in a boarding house………… the third room which is an extra can attract a pedophile to your home, who knows maybe that is what He is saving you from, You doubt it? Some children are abused by those living with their parents in the third room (visitor’s room) maybe it would not have happened if they come from the village and see there is no space to live, maybe they would have gone to rent a room on their own. Do not get me wrong, I am not saying you should not accommodate people in NEED……………………He will supply what you need……..…

Accepting your reality no matter how bad it maybe is the first step to changing your reality- @themarriagebed.  It is not worth it to end up frustrated.

And our Pastors, let us stop equating glamorous living with holy living. Statements like ‘My God is a brand new God, so I cannot drive anything less than brand new’ is not encouraging for a new graduate who your ‘god’ help ‘land’ a civil service job of 75k monthly, even if he does not touch his salary for 5 years he cannot buy a brand new car with his own money, except he is given, he steals it, cuts corner in his office, or has a part time business. The first option, can you, his Pastor give him? ................. I remember that Mama Funke Felix-Adejumo said during a women’s programe that she bought gold for the first time that year , this is not up to 5years in 2017, lets even say its five years, a woman of that grace getting her first gold in 2012? Some of us with 100 ‘sheep’ are already tasking them to buy us gold……………

Pardon me if this sounds like your pastor, but the truth be told, we cannot fight corruption to a minimal level without addressing this basic issue of our wanting God to supply our wants instead of needs in Nigeria.

There are always alternatives, if you cannot buy afford human hair buy synthetic abeg, if you can not afford croaker go for titus, if titus is beyond reach settle for sawa…….it is protein you NEED.

When you receive a revelation from God, be thankful, rejoice, then go to work and give it time….. remember Abraham, David, Joseph, Zacharia & Elizabeth………. And more…….THEY WAITED……

Like Prof Osibanjo said ‘ fara bale…..’ meaning ‘calm down,,,,’.

Everything good will come.

@relateandlive

www.relateandlive.blogpost

Our Mindset and Our Growth

She picked up the smoked fishes one after the other, examining each and arranging in descending order; the biggest sitting at the top, the smallest at the bottom. Then she paused looked critically at this one fish, tossing it to and fro, suddenly she pinched a part, tossed into her mouth, then another tiny bit which ended in her mouth too, then she did the unthinkable: placed back the pinched fish on the tray among the fishes ready for sale. My heart did an uncanny somersault, how can one openly eat out of her edible goods and place same back to be sold to unsuspected buyers? So dear sisters, when next you are buying stuffs from the market (roasted fish especially Lol!) put on your eyeglasses and do a 360 check. This is no fiction, I saw this at the market while waiting for the stuffs bought to be packaged. Though not surprised, one thing that caught my attention about this fish seller is her manner of dressing, she was dressed like one of those religious folks, who will spend hours in church/mosques praying but will never show any sign of diligence in their business. Ok, did I give her a word of advice? Story for another day………………

This incidence made me think of how our actions hinder us from growing. I can never buy anything from this particular woman again, neither will I allow a known person patronize her. She left a very sour taste in my mouth. I am sure her attitude to life is one that screams “it does not matter”, for her excellence means nothing. Her action stemmed from her ‘belief’, her ‘mindset’. Her business cannot experience growth with this kind of mindset cum action, because we attract growth/increase/success by our beliefs (mindset) and the actions we daily take based on our beliefs.

I looked at my life too, I am where I am because of my beliefs/mindset; so it is for every one of us, you are where you are because of your beliefs. Yes we desire to be better, but do our actions portray us as one who really wants to be better? We desire a developed nation but right in our car on the road we throw dirt on the road because our mindset demands excellence from others but not ourselves. We complain our leaders do not care about the masses, but in our homes we fail to pay our gatekeeper/driver/nanny as and when due despite the fact that we never miss taking our own children to superstores weekly as promised.

We need to be true to ourselves, check out environment where things are working, take a deep look at their mindsets/way of life and juxtapose it with ours, then align our beliefs and actions, only then will we experience the change that we seek. No wonder the great book says ‘As a man thinks in his heart, so is he’. Take time to THINK on your mindsets.

Blessings!

@relateandlive

Dupeoteri.blogpost

SHOW Them, Don't Just Teach Them

 SHOW Them, Don’t  Just Teach Them

So much excitement!  The kids were really having fun, splashing water all over the place, shouting away with so much hilarity. I sat down patiently watching them on the play ground as they engage in several sporting activities, some were jumping, others throwing balls, skipping e.tc. On the far left side of the playground is the swimming pool. I smiled as i remembered my own school years, the games i engaged in, ten-ten, skipping e.t.c.

After playing, the kids were really looking  worn-out, they  went to a corner to get water, they were all over the place, (though not screaming but definitely not talking in the normal way). I got interested in them at this point, i expected them to queue up and take their turns, but lo and behold they weren’t. That aside.  After the attendant helped them with water from the dispenser no one said ‘thank you sir” no, not one!  Thoughts started flying in my mind. Didn’t anyone teach these kids how to take turn? were they not thought to be appreciative?  The more the attendant bellow ‘be on a queue’ the rowdier they become.  I wasn’t impressed with the situation and wanted to help. Hmm! I got up, ready to help the attendant create sanity in the process but wait a minute, a woman walked in and caught my attention. Why? I had an encounter with her earlier in the day. I was at the grocery store being attended to when this woman walked in and spoke rudely to one of the attendant who was attending to a customer, the customer being attended to replied the woman that she should please ‘wait for her turn’ . Gratefully, she consented.

Hmm! I now see the reason for the rowdy session! Parents say it but do not ACT IT. The kids follow us out and see the way parents scramble for things, jump queue, throw thrash from the car, cross the express way with their kids, but tell the kids not to cross the express way. We drive with our children in the car and engage in road rage. Some people do not take turns, they get to the bank and jump queue, thank God for the few who initiate the queuing process anywhere they get to.  We use the ‘f’ word and other swear words lavishly before our kids and get embarrassed when they use the same word before our friends. We watch x-rated films before them e.t.c . Generally we SHOW them who we are but teach them who we think they should be.

Parenting should be deliberate. We should consciously show our children how to take turns, show appreciation to people when they help, take care of their environment, respect others, share, care for the young ones, e.t.c  Will write more about this in my next post.

Back to the story (lol) i stood up and sternly asked them to take turns, pick the cup and appreciate the attendant once they  get the cup from him and they obeyed.

Till next time, Show them not just teach them.

Dupe Oteri

Relate’n’Live  

Misplaced Priority; one of the bane of our society

When will our people learn, when will we get it right? I asked myself as I listened to a clerk and a secretary chat in the lobby as I wait to be called up for my appointment. Hear the clerk ‘Even my boss doesn’t wear the kind of shoes I wear, do you know how much this particular pair is being sold? Or do you think I am one of those guys who visit ‘sele pay’?

I watch in pity as the ranting continues because this is a common site, common talk. What is wrong in wearing good shoes? you may want to ask me. Nothing is wrong in wearing good shoes as long as the price fits your pocket, mark my word ‘fits your pocket’. I have seen guys earning not up to 30,000 monthly use blackberry phones, ladies earning the same amount want to keep up with other ladies who earn more, they desire and go out of their ways to buy bags/shoes/dresses e.t.c. that will take up their whole monthly salary. All these at the expense of their paying house rent, children school fees and other things that should be their priority. I am so sorry to hit at us ladies, so many of us are so vain because of wanting to be in vogue. Someone said ‘don’t be in vogue, be classic, classic can stand the test of all times’

Hmmm! Some of our sisters use their children school fees to buy aso ebi, or stuffs in vogue. How can you encourage your man to desist from corruption when you are already demanding for more than he earns in the right way.

  

Your house rent is due and you still went ahead to celebrate your child’s birthday with pomp and pageantry ……. Misplaced priority

Your children school fees is due and you still afford to go for that pleasure trip (not business trip……….misplaced priority

You need to write a professional exam but your girlfriend wants to celebrate her birthday with you sponsoring the party with the money you could use to register for your exams…….misplaced priority

You have a project to submit in school but you need to show up at the club and buy the guys drinks at the expense of your project……..misplaced priority

You earn 100,000. monthly and live the lifestyle of your boss who has one more zero (1.000,000.) behind his salary monthly …….misplaced priority.

You were involved in ‘ajo’ (cothrift contribution) you collected it refuse to buy that landed property but rather bought the plasma TV, set of sound system and other electrical appliances……..misplaced priority

Please furnish me with other scenario of misplaced priorities (lol)

With these kind of things happening all around us we should not be surprised that corruption is thriving in our society.

When you do these, two things are bound to happen to you

You will end up borrowing more, making debt a lifestyle or you end up doing stuffs you should not be doing all in the bid to keep up. Either of the two is bad for you, they do not make you a person of integrity.

I am not saying you don’t deserve to enjoy life, I am only saying life is in stages while men are in sizes. Knowing and getting our priorities right in this nation as individuals will go a long way in reducing corruption.

Relating With You

One of the greatest thing you can do for yourself on earth is to relate with YOU. Simply put, know You, vouch for You, speak to YOU, listen to YOU and finally love You. Most people go through life listening to what others say about them and never listen to themselves, they are so engrossed in monitoring other's progress, actions, choices that they totally ignore themselves. Relating with yourself helps you to have a knowledge of who you are, why you are here and those you need to pay attention to in your success journey. It also help you love others and treat them better. If you do not know You, you can not love you, and since you can not give what you do not have, there is no way you will love others.

How do you know YOU? Literally speaking, you know something by studying that thing, when you purchase an equipment from the market you go through the manual to get a first hand knowledge of how to get the equipment working optimally. Another way is to make use of  that equipment and begin to discover what to do and what not to do with it. The same way it works for YOU. Get a manual about YOU. Yes i mean a manual about YOU. Funny? Well there is a manual about you, the one who created you has that manual (for more about it contact me relateandlive@yahoo.com.)

It is very important that you engage yourself i.e. step out and do something. You may fail when you do it, do not be discouraged, try again, keep on trying. While trying you will discover what works for you and what do not. You will also discover your area of strength and weakness, when you do please do not bemoan your weakness, rather focus more on your strength. You will also discover the environment where you thrive, by this i mean your physical environment and your relational environment. You will note that you function with little or no effort in your physical environment. The people who help you get better are the ones i refer to as your relational environment, by now you will discover that being around some people bring out productivity from you while being with some other drain you emotionally, financially, physically e.t.c. In other words you will easily know where to go to for support/encouragement when you need them.

It is expedient that you treat YOU with respect because others take cue from YOU to treat you appropriately or otherwise. If you do not respect YOU it is unlikely that others will respect YOU. As you respect YOU, you respect others too. Never look down on YOU if  you do not want others to look down on YOU. Also believe in YOU, see YOU as a success regardless what YOU are passing through at the moment. Constantly place the picture of a successful YOU before YOU in your imagination. Go a step further and cut clips of where and who you want to be from magazines and paste them in places YOU will always see them. Get yourself a mirror and speak to YOU encouraging words DAILY.

Always relate with YOU. Tell YOU when YOU are wrong, apologise to YOU and move on.

HURTING OR LETTING GO IS ACHOICE.

Zainab refilled her cylinder at a gas shop and after nine days while cooking there was no more gas in the cylinder. She could not believe it, ‘the cylinder is not leaking’ she said to herself. She cooks only twice a day except for weekends when she cooks thrice. With only a family of five, she expects the 12.5kg cylinder filled with gas to last for nothing less than four weeks. She felt cheated and very hurt. What hurt her most was the fact that that was her first time in the gas shop, she normally goes to the gas station but on that day the station had old cylinders and she did not want to exchange her new cylinder with an old one. Besides the shop owner assured her that the cylinder is filled to capacity. Through out that day she was not herself, she coughed out N3,400 which was not part of her budget to get her cylinder refilled. Her husband came from the office and she relayed the incidence to him but his response took her off guard ‘that’s due to your carelessness, how could you not know that the cylinder was not properly filled’ was his response. Being a meticulous and prudent person she felt that statement was a slap on her face coming from her husband of six years. Their relationship was adversely affected that night as she withdrew into her shell and only gave monosyllabic responses to all her husband was saying.



In life one can never be too careful about getting hurt. Anyhow you want to go about it you will get hurt at least once in a while. There is bound to be lack of trust, dishonesty, cheating, misjudgments, e.t.c. coming from one side to the other, may be in your business dealings, place of work or worship, marriage e.t.c. How we handle these hurts is what really matters. We may brood over them and allow them affect every other relationships in our lives or we may let them go and move ahead. I rather choose the latter because it is gainful for us health wise and make us better persons; on the other hand the former is extremely dangerous to our health. I know it is not easy letting go at times, but it is a choice that is expedient we make each time we get hurt.



The first thing to do is to bear in mind that we are all human, no matter how perfect you think you are others will still see some imperfections in you. So for everyone who hurts you, they are just exhibiting their imperfect side. Tell yourself that you are not going to allow anyone tie you down with his/her imperfection. Open your mouth and confess aloud ‘I refuse to let (the person’s name) tie (my health, my finances, my marriage – whatever is applicable) down by his/her imperfection’. I deliberately choose to let go of (mention the offence/hurt) committed by (name) towards me’. Each time you remember the hurt say this confession over and over again.



Secondly, stop rehearsing the hurt either to yourself or others around you. Rehearsing it is like opening up fresh wound, it is better you let it alone and allow it heal with time. Remember time is a great healer. You too must have hurt others in one way or the other and you will not be too happy if you discover they are telling others about what you did.



There is no better time to let go of those hurts and pain than this season of love, so I encourage you to let go during this season, especially with your spouse, let go and enjoy the season.



Dupe Oteri



relateandlive@yahoo.com, dupeoteri.blogspot